The holidays are hard when the person you love is no longer a part of your celebration as a family. I know for many people Easter and Christmas are very secular holidays that are just about bunnies and reindeer. I can not imagine how I would navigate these joyous occasions after loss if I did not have a sense of the significance of these holidays as a Christian. Even with my faith in God, these celebrations are tough. I remember sitting in church on my first Christmas about 7 months after my husband had passed away. Everyone was smiling and hugging each other, greeting old friends, and welcoming new ones. I remember thinking, "why are you people all so happy, will you please just get a way from me?" I could remember past Christmas's being just as joyful as all of them, but not this Christmas. Not only was part of my family missing, but part of my heart was missing.
And then there was Easter. My husband died in May so Easter was just before the one year anniversary of his death. The Easter before he passed, I did not want to attend Mass. I knew I needed Jesus, but I just could not bear to see the looks of pity on the faces of those who knew us, nor did I want to answer any questions or exchange nice-ities. I just wanted to be alone.
After Mass, the kids and I went to visit my husband in the hospital. When we got there, we found out Brian had fallen out of bed and broke his shoulder. Surgery would be Easter Sunday night. While we sat visiting with my husband that day, our oncologist came in. Our oncologist, who did not share our same religous affiliation, sat with us on Easter Sunday as my husband told him all about Jesus and how amazing it was that He died on the cross for all of our sins. I will never forget that moment and I will never forget that oncologist who listened with the utmost respect for a man who probably only had weeks to live. I felt so ashamed that during this time, I had lost hope in Jesus and eternal life. My husband was fully aware at that moment that he was not going to be with us much longer (although I think he thought longer than 6 weeks) and he wanted to be with Jesus.
I share this with you because I know you have lost hope at times, or have wrestled with Jesus, or have wanted to abandon your faith. Don't do it. You did not come this far in your journey to just give up. You have been through so much and there might be more to come--I don't know. But, what I do know, is that you need hope, not wishful thinking. This is not our home, and, God-willing, you will see your spouse again. Don't ever think that you can not talk to your loved one during these times. Your spouse is present and can do more for you now than they could do for you when they were here on this earth. If your faith tells you he is home with the Father, never be afraid to call out to God or our spouse. In the Catholic faith, we say those who have gone before us are now part of the communion of Saints. You can pray to them. The life, death and resurrection of Jesus is proof of our Easter hope. My sister, please don't give up.
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