I received a question via email about finances and widowhood. Oh boy, this is not my area of expertise, but an area that affects most of us widows who were not expecting their husband to pass. Many of us did not have any life insurance, or in my case, could not get any life insurance because of a pre-existing condition. This is more af a practical blog post, but I hope it helps one widow get on the right track.
The question was, what is the first thing you should do in the area of finances when your spouse passes away?
The first question you should be asking yourself: Do I have a financial advisor I can trust? If not, you need to get one. Ask friends for referrals. Interview several people until you find the person you are most comfortable with. Do not be afraid to switch advisors if your needs are not getting met. This is your financial future and you need to feel extremely comfortable with the decisions made on your behalf. Spend some time getting to know what questions you should be asking. Your number one goal is to figure out how you will take care of your children, yourself, and what you need to do to retire.
When it comes to the day to day kind of stuff, you need to ask yourself can you afford your monthly bills based on your own salary or savings? Are there expenses coming up in the future that will need to be paid? Perhaps tuition bills, or a wedding, or a new furnace. Depending on who was the breadwinner in the family, or who paid the bills, all of this financial talk can be very overwhelming. Do not be afraid to ask for help in this area. You want to make sure you get started on the right foot as a widow when it comes to finances.
The second thing you should do is vow to not make any major financial decisions for two years, unless your financial situation calls for immediate action for whatever reason. I waited 3 years to move out of my big house. I honestly could no longer afford it without my husband's salary as I was working part-time, but I was able to make it work long enough to get me to a place where I could make a good decision for my next move. I made a few bad financial decisions in the beginning of my widowhood because I thought I knew what I was doing. I did not do anything that was the end-of-the-world kind of decisions, but, I have heard of stories of widows who were not as lucky in their decisions.
Bottom line, when it comes to finances, you need to look at your relationship with money. And, whatever you do, do not bury your head in the sand. Some people are savers, spenders, givers, or maybe, clueless. Some people care a lot about money, others care very little. I am a spender and a giver, and I care very little about money. One year, my tax accountant told me I had almost given away a quarter of what I earned (which was not much) to charities. I was just trying to keep up with what my husband and I had done in the past, but without his salary. I quickly readjusted the next year as I was going into debt trying to keep up with our old life. Your life has changed because of the death of your spouse and your finances need to adjust accordingly. Becoming a widow at age 70 versus age 50, or age 30, typically has very different financial ramifications. The younger you are, the more likely you are to encounter struggles that a retirement age widow may not have to be concerned about. But, no matter your age, do your homework. My other advice is to make sure you have a will and a trust as you are now the sole provider for your family. Nobody wants to think about all these things all alone, but they are important for the well-being of your future and your children's future.
I want to recommend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace or Total Money Makeover books if you feel like you are caught in a bad place or you just want to educate yourself. My sisters in widowhood, you need to empower yourself and educate yourself on finances. Even if you had a great life insurance policy and you think you are set for life, make sure that you do not falsely live your life spending because you may wake up one day and wonder where all the money has gone. Be prudent. Get professional advice. And if you are able, be charitable, but in a smart way. There is nothing more satisfying than giving back to organizations that are doing great things. Do not let your spouse die in vain. Do something good in their name, if you are financially able. Be well. Live free.
"God loves a cheerful giver." 2 Corinthians 9:7.
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