I am starting this post on Holy Saturday. Easter has always been a hard holiday for me since my husband passed. It is very likely that if you lost your spouse near a holiday, a birthday, an anniversary, of one of the many milestones in your life or the life of your children, the event will trigger many memories and emotions. The anticipation of the event is always much harder than the actual day. As time goes on, you will learn to prepare mentally for all the emotions you are trying to process. But, remember, my sister, whatever your feeling, it is all okay. This is a normal and natural part of the grief process. In fact, if you can journal about these feelings or share your feelings with a trusted friend, a local grief support group, or even a pastor or a counselor, it will help you heal.
What does is mean to heal? To heal means to be whole again, free from stress, anxiety or fear. My sister, I know you want to heal. They say "time heals all wounds". I am not sure if that is true. I believe time allows you to move forward because I am not sure you ever really move on. This relationship is like none other in our lives. It does not matter if you had the perfect marriage or you had your struggles, there is nothing like the relationship between a husband and a wife. There might be someone out there thinking that there relationship was far from perfect and now you carry regrets about "not doing marriage well." I would argue that if you think this, you are not giving yourself enough credit. You did marriage the best that you knew how at that moment, at that time in your life, at that age. I do believe that with age comes wisdom. Later in our marriage, my husband and I did not argue about the same things we did when we were first married. Why? Because we grew as a couple. Remember, when two young people get married they bring their selfish beings into the relationship and it takes maturity and wisdom to live a sacrificial marriage. A marriage is never just about one person-- and when you have children, it is also about the family you have created.
I have realized the last couple of Easters, how much I have actually healed. I may still cry every Easter, but it is a cry of love, instead of the cry of sadness. If Jesus was a part of your marriage, I think you know what I mean when I talk about these crys. If he wasn't a part of your marriage, He can still be a part of your life NOW to help you heal. Thankfully, Jesus has no statute of limitations. He does not force Himself on anyone, but instead sits quietly waiting for an invitation. Ask yourself, do you want to be well? (John 5:6)
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